RSVP Rule Is One I’ve Learned To Follow

I recently ran across this column from 2008 and my days as a columnist for The Charlotte Observer. It’s pretty timeless.

I’m not much of a rule-follower. Some might even say I have a problem with authority.

But I am stickler when it comes to the RSVP, which translated from French means “Let me know if you’re coming to my party so I can plan accordingly. If you don’t, I’l talk bad about you and forever hold a grudge.”

Letting hosts know whether you can attend their event is a basic common courtesy. If the think enough of you to ask you to participate, the least you can do is respond.

If you’re asking yourself “What’s the big deal?” You’ve never been on the planning end of a wedding reception or even a toddler birthday party. I stopped doing goodie bags for my children’s parties because I didn’t want to risk not having enough assembled for all the guests.

Try explaining to a 3-year-old that he can’t have a sack of party treats because his parents’ inability to be courteous set off an ugly, uncomfortable chain of events.

Here’s what Emily Post says: “Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation.”

I recently broke my own militant RSVP rule. It makes me cringe every time I think about it. But as the new year begins, I’m hoping someone can benefit from my painful tale.

I’d like to say it was my fault, but losing an invitation on my messy desk doesn’t magically absolve me.

I didn’t expect this invite, and when I got it, I was pleasantly surprised. I tucked it away on my desk, planning to call later in the week to confirm my attendance. Long story short, I didn’t remember until a colleague mentioned it.

I ended up calling the day before the event, apologizing profusely. I could feel the embarrassment creeping through my cheeks when I was told it was too late — seating assignments had been made. there was no room for me.

No room!

I wanted to curl up and disappear. Every time I attempted to climb out of my shame spiral, my agonizing over missed networking opportunities tossed me right back down to the bottom.

I tried in vain to find the bright side. The best I could come up with was imagining how horrifically awkward it would have been had I shown up without calling at all. The host would have had to either scramble to accommodate me or turn me away in front of everyone.

I put on a professional face until I saw pictures of what I had missed. It was an elegant experience that most in attendance could barely put into words the next day.

This was a painful lesson to learn, but I can promise I won’t be late with an RSVP again.

Ever.